Believe in nothing, no matter who says it, even if I say it, if it does not agree with your own experience and your own common sense ~ Buddha

N.B. This post is rated 14A for mature language. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

So, yeah. I’m a BodyTalker. An alternative health practitioner. I’m the one who groks the stuff your body is trying to tell you and you’re not listening. I’m always after my clients, going “You know, I’m telling you what you already know. You could do this too! Listen to your damn body!

And lately, I’ve been getting headaches every goddamn day. It’s beyond a nuisance now. Now I’m getting pissy.

Me: What’s your goddamn problem anyway?

Body: You know.

Me: You know what? Go fuck yourself. I’m not giving up coffee.

Me and my body have a contentious relationship. This goes back to when I whipped its pussy ass after my accident, and then it beat the shit out of me with mono. Then I went out to the oilpatch and worked 20 hour days of backbreaking labour for four months. Whereupon it put me in the fucking hospital. After that… we reached a gentlemen’s agreement. We each agree not to do anything that would make the other retaliate. Like 3 consecutive all-nighters. Full-body rashes with no discernable cause. That sort of petty nonsense.

So I don’t understand why she’s being such a bitch. Why the caffeine hate all of the sudden? I’m not the the two-pots-of-coffee-and-a-redbull-for-dessert addict I used to be. I even drink a “pretty-close-to-decaf” version that I’ll tell you about if you email me. But bitch is all up in my face over chocolate! Green tea! Man, ZEN MASTERS drink green tea. It’s the elixir of the gods. And she hates coffee. Especially coffee with sugar. (I sorta think she’s got a thing against sugar, too, but she’s picking her battles).

But the shits of it is, is that she’s got our best interests at heart. APPARENTLY not having to do manual labor, a regular bedtime AND 8 full hours of sleep is not GOOD ENOUGH for her. She ALSO wants a stimulant-free diet.

So I’m going to humor her for 3 weeks. For three weeks, I will eschew coffee, chocolate and tea, and as many sweetened [whatever] as I can. Fruits and veggies and plenty of water blah, blah, blah. Fine.

What’s your relationship with your body like? Please tell me I’m not alone.

Comments on: "When you Must, but ONLY when You Must…Follow your own Damn Advice" (32)

  1. I find that elephant tranquilizers really take the edge off those caffeine withdrawal headaches.

    Alternatively, you could time your withdrawal to coincide with catching the flu. The headaches won’t seem quite as bad when they’re just one facet of your overall wretchedness. Plus, then you really have an excuse to take the elephant tranquilizers.

    • ROFLAMAO, Scribbler!

      (A less than eloquent response, I know, but the perfect brain-picture!)

      good Wednesday to you! πŸ™‚

    • Elephant tranquilizers. Being as how Advil puts me into lalaland, that oughta really send me around the bend.

      Actually, since i started on Friday, I have not had a single headache. Been unnaturally tired, but no headaches.

      On Monday, my husband confessed that it was a really special thing for him to make me a cup of coffee that’s just the way i like it, (he’s the only one who can, even I can’t make it. It’s got like a quarter cup of heavy cream and two tablespoons of sugar.) I totally caved, cause it was just so sweet. So. Ahem. ONE cup of coffee a day and herbal tea or water for the rest. I noticed I was pretty dehydrated for the first several days as well.

  2. Shanna ~ you ARE a Zen Master, my friend!
    Perhaps you could compromise on the Green Tea??
    I’m right there with you on the “Gakkk! What are you trying to do to me, Bitch” ~

    Bright Blessings ~ Karen

    • I KNOW. She’s a total bitch sometimes. Green tea ought to have a pass. I think it’s a temporary thing. A cleanse, if you will. After the three week, I’m hoping things will be back to normal, because that kind of sensitivity is too much. I’d have to get a bodytalk myself, just to treat it. No whiners around here, goddamnit.

  3. Wow! No coffee – I’ve done it before but donwanna do it again. Now, I’m pretty low-caf though and try to keep it that way for good measure.

    It’s funny how things will just sneak up on you, jump you like a crack fiend needing money and beat you silly for good measure. Mine is lack of sleep: less than 9 HOURS A NIGHT apparently is considered a good enough reason to go on some kind of brain fog/headache/I just want to nap spree. Geez!

    • I know! You read about how people are so fricking productive on like, 6 hours sleep and you just want to brain them. HOW?

      I’m learning my limits. I can get away with 7h, but only two nights in a row. After that, I have to behave. I’m 24 years old and I have a STRICTLY ENFORCED 9 o’clock bedtime. How sad is that?

      • (read in your best Arrrrhhhh! pirate-voice):

        “See also

        ~ not sad a’tall! Just not where you expected those limits to be, maybe.

      • So, are you going to throw something heavy at my head if I remind you that I only get 3-4 hours a night, plus a couple more during the day, and yet I still manage to compose the works of literary genius you know and love? All while being significantly older than you and strung out on elephant tranquilizers?

        Because if not, I can call you a three-toed sloth too, if that will do the trick.

        (Karen — thank you for the good Wednesday wishes, and same to you. I’m glad I could give you a laugh, but I assure you, it was entirely accidental, as I have no comedic talent to speak of.)

      • Yes…I think you’re one of those insane geniuses. Probably if you got enough sleep you’d just be boring. πŸ˜›

        [throws shoe] Thunk!

  4. Also, is anyone else loving my sweet-and-innocent face juxtaposed next to all this violent swearing? I crack me up sometimes.

    • Oh Yesss!!!
      Noticed your lovely mug right off πŸ™‚ didn’t want to hijack anything, though, so was biding my tiime. πŸ˜‰

      It is a great picture! Somehow, I ‘saw you’ as a dark brunette, though – wonder where that came from?


      • I have been every colour in my time. I used to be even more fair, but it’s getting darker as I get older. I’m also getting paler. I wore lipstick the other day and looked like a geisha!

  5. Hey Shanna, hope the headache went away. Just watched this video and had to post the link. Magnus is quite the guy and has a similar message.

    • Yep. I’ve always liked that one…headaches are not caused by a Aspirin deficiency. =) Although, to be fair, advil and aspirin or whatever can be used to support the health. Not to cure it, but if I have overdone it in a day, using advil will reduce swelling and manage discomfort while the body heals itself…because your body finds pain as distracting as you do. Of course, you also have to drink water and take it easy. It’s just human nature to want to take the easy thing and make it a magic bullet.

      A link in return:

  6. Do you get headaches even when you get coffee on a regular schedule? I get caffeine withdrawal headaches when I don’t get my coffee – morning and afternoon – my body demands coffee or else!

    • Hi Noel! Nice to see you around here again.

      No I don’t but I drink a low-caffeine version. I used to, when I was in the throes of my caffeine addiction. These headaches would strike while I was drinking the coffee (or green tea)

      It’s been a week (I started last Friday) and I have to say, I think it was the effects of dehydration. I was drinking, yes, but even that tiny amount of caffiene meant that my body got no net benefit from the fluid. GAGO.

      So now that I’m drinking more plain water, the headaches cleared up immediately. I wish it was always that simple.

      Caffeine headaches are PUNISHING, aren’t they? I always felt like someone had poured molten lead into my eyes and it was spreading back into the brain along the nerves.

    • Also, don’t listen when Scribbles says those nasty things about me. Do you know he called me a “snide little yeti” yesterday?

  7. So Shanna’s little picture is… photoshopped? ‘Cause I’m not seeing a yeti.
    BTW my computer suddenly decided it didn’t like your blog, until I upgraded my web browser, which took months for me to get around to for some reason.
    Anyway, molten lead in the eyes sounds like a migraine. Which I used to get occassionally. But I refuse to subscribe to the notion that coffee had anything to do with it. NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. (Stares menacingly, daring anyone to disagree.)

    • Oh, is that the cure? My mom says she can’t read it either…I put it down to her genius at corrupting data by her mere presence, so I never looked into it.

      Nope, not a migraine. They only hurt like that when the caffeine goes away baby…

      For me. Doubtless for you it has something to do with your profession πŸ™‚

  8. Another example of diff’rent strokes for diff’rent folks! (or maybe it’s more about the different ways we “use our words”) ~

    My way-not-enough-caffeine-today headaches would usually feel like someone had a turniquet around my head, and realllllly didn’t like me.
    And yeah, it would take an excruciatingly long time to get from gullet to gut into blood stream and to the poor deprived brain cells!

    Must admit that switching to decaf after 10am or noon (depending on when I got up) or two cups, whichever came first, has pretty much eliminated the problem, though. Yay!

  9. Shanna,
    Wow! I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been getting headaches everyday. I think trying to go without caffeine and sugar may help. Best of luck!

  10. I limit coffee to twice a day, so I’m not needing more and more like a junkie.
    I can’t keep my mom hooked up, either. One time, she pressed a wrong key and her computer asked if she reaaly wanted to do that, and she clicked “yes”, before I could stop her. (Me: “Why did you click, ‘Yes’? Her: “I don’t know.”) After that, every time you depressed a key, it iterated: wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnndddddddddddddddddddddoooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwssssssssssssssssssssssssssss sucks. There was no fixing it short of reinstalling the OS.

    • So happy to hear that my mother isn’t the only one… although, unlike yours, everytime there’s a popup box, she emails me!

      “It says do I want to save this file? Do I?”

      How should I know! What were you trying to do?!

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